Ok, let's fight!!

Ok, J Land, I'm back tonight and I have quit, rattling my cage!! I lost my reason  for reasoning,last night but I think I have found it again. So, I'm ready for a good hard fight, with this cancer. It seemed like The Lord told me, Hey, Barb!! After, I've given you the strength to overcome, losing both parents and your only sibling plus getting you through the first battle, now, you are doubting Me? I feel so ashamed. How could I doubt? I'm so blessed with so many things, my children and grandchildren, a roof over my head, food, clothing and such great friends. I am able to get up, every morning, I can walk, smell, see and hear, how often I take these things for granted!! My Precious Lord, forgive me. Ok, now to fight my fight. Tomorrow I go for a PT, actually a blood test and I start back on chemo, Tues. Chemo,  once a week , every  3 weeks then off 3 weeks. I'll do my best to keep my journal, updated, as often as I can. Many thanks for all the positive love and prayers, that have been sent my way. You are all angels, to me. So, until our keyboards, touch, once again, may God bless and keep you safe, Hugs,Barbara

Good evening J-Land. Hope all are doing well, today. I just sat here and look at a blank screen. I feel completely lost. My mind is swirling with all kinds of thoughts. I can't focus on any one thing. I do know God is with me but the same question keeps running through my mind---am I going to die? I can't leave my kids yet. Even though they're all grown, they need me so much and I know the pain, they'll feel, if I do die. I still feel the pain of my parents death. Am I scared?  You betcha I am. I think if I started screaming, I'd never stop. I want to run away but I have no where to go. I need something so bad and have no idea what it is. I 've been divorced , 7 years and I need my husbands' arms to hold me and tell me that everything is gonna be alright but that just can't be. I am crying. I am sure I sound like a raving maniac but indeed, I feel like one tonight. I'm so afraid, I'm losing it!! Forgive me for my honesty but I need to vent, tonight. Please God, give me strength!! My faith is strong but I am so weak. Good night, J'Land and God bless, Barbara

Hi all at J-Land. I'd like to take this time to thank my special friend, Deb and all her friends that have heard about my cancer being relapsed and have left such kind words. It's still hard for me to believe, that the cancer is back and bigger than it was to start with. Just 4 months ago, it was an inch, now three inches. I was so in hopes, that what they saw was a scar but that wasn't meant to be. Ok, the fight shall continue!! I will not give up. Besides, LOL, I'm already experienced in fighting!! I start my chemo, again, Oct. 23. This could be a lengthy session, I go 3 weeks, once a week, for chemo and then off 3 weeks. This could last, up to 9 months. Evey six weeks, they will do a new cat scan and see if I'm responding. I still know that God has a reason and has brought me this far and I'll continue to leave it in His hands. God be with each of you and keep you safe. Hugs,Barbara

THE VERDICT IS IN

MY DEAR J-LAND FRIENDS,

LETTING YOU KNOW, MY CANCER IS IN REMISSION . I  HAD TWO MASSES, ONE IS COMPLETELY GONE AND THE OTHER HAS GONE FROM THE SIZE OF A LEMON TO THE SIZE OF A  CHERRY TOMATO. IT IS EITHER SCAR TISSUE OR SOME OF THE MASS LEFT. THEY WILL DO ANOTHER C-SCAN IN ABOUT 3 OR 4 MONTHS. SO, I REALLY FEEL IT'S  JUST SCAR TISSUE, AFTER 34 TREATMENTS OF RADIATION. THANKS FOR ALL YOUR PRAYERS.  GOD IS GOOD!!!!!LOVE, BARBARA

GETTING CLOSE

Hi J-Land, friends!! Hope all are doing good. Well, this Wednesday, I'll find out the verdict. I had my last cat scan done yesterday. I'm asking each of you for a powerful prayer!! I've come, this far and it's so wonderful, that the end is in sight. I feel that all the prayers have been anwsered and that I'll come out of this, with a clean slate. I can never thank each of you enough, for the prayers. I'm still tired but my body feels good. For anyone that has cancer or know someone that does, please tell my story and tell them,   they can make it!! I'll let each of you know, Wednesday , how this has turned out, so till then, keep smiling and know that God is with you. God bless, Hugs,Barbara

I'm Feeling the Sunshine

 Hi my friends at J-Land. First off, I'm so sorry it's been so long since I last added an entry. Some of it has been laziness, the other has been family problems. But, enough of that. I finished my radiation three weeks ago and am still having a few side effects ,  nothing major. I go two weeks from this Wednesday , to find out if the treatments has rid ,my body, of the cancer . They will do a c-scan. I have great hopes that they will find it gone. The Lord has been with me, throughout this !!  The prayers have seen me through , many sleepless nights. I have followed my 5 F's- Faith in God!! Faith in prayer. Faith in my doctors. Faith in my friends . Faith in myself. -I am prepared to follow my Lord home, if this is His wish. I feel pretty good, though. I do believe the Lord has more work for me on earth, I don't think my work here, is done.  Next entry I write, will be the verdict :-) Till then, May God bless each of you and have a very safe 4th of July. Your friend in God,Barbara

MAKING MY WAY

  Well J-Land, I completed my second round of radiation today -so far, so good. I feel like I've climbed that mountain and am standing on the plateau, ready to start back down. Only two sessions of chemo left and then I'll only be getting radiation. Praise God, I feel good and know, I can make it. You all have no idea what your comments and prayers have done for me. I thank God, everyday, for each of you.

  I have another share, I'd like to share with you. Read it  and if you know of anyone that this would help, please , pass it on.

  Remember, I'm on that plateau and feel  all the  closer to my Lord. God bless each of you, with love and hugs,Barbara

Click here: Healing Words for Cancer Patients, Healing Words for Cancer Patients -- Beliefnet.com